Ah, fall. Autumn. September-October-November. Lovely lovely fall. The leaves are doing… whatever sciencey thing they do in the fall. I dunno I think it has something to do with the endless cycle of life and death in this fair mortal coil.

But be warned, fair students, for all is not well in this season of change.

With the colder winds comes something far more sinister, rising up year after year like a foul and cursed thing:

The pumpkin spice latte fanatics.

When Starbucks and various other places of business stock their shelves with the pumpkin syrup, the fanatics rise from their dormancy as if a summer had not passed, as if they had never been gone.

And they take the world by storm.

Pumpkins, they hiss from their pumpkin-carved mouths. I love Fall, they groan, dude, you should totally instagram a pic of me drinking this.

K bruh, but only if you reblog my pic on tumblr.

K.

It is hard to remember hope when confronted with this pumpkinny army, ranks comprised of teens and adults alike, but fear not, gentle students. Take this warning to heart and avoid the pumpkin spice lattes. Drink a mocha latte. Or a vanilla frappuccino. The fanatics cannot control you if you have not imbibed any of their foul substance.

Have faith, innocent masses – Autumn cannot last forever, and these fearful beasts will fade away as they do every year.

St. Nicholas will save us all.