Regarding the Hipster Trend:

There is a pestilence lurking in tucked-away coffee shops, art galleries, and thrift shops. It is growing stronger with every passing day, with every faux-fur cardigan gracing shelves of department stores, every new pair of deliberately distressed jeans, and purposefully perforated peplum tops.

It is growing more bold, daring to prowl the streets of near every city known to mankind. No place is safe from this contagion: even New York City has succumbed to the scourge.

Soon enough, there will be no backwater city left uninfected by the Hipster Trend.

Are you prepared?

Hipsters ought not be underestimated: they are deadly foes indeed, unassuming in that they endear themselves to you with their wily ways, their surprisingly catchy echoey music, their comfy and style-savvy clothing.

We must be strong in the face of these temptations, for they are fallacious, all of them.

To defend yourself against the Hipster virus, you must first learn their weaknesses. Hipsters cannot abide trendy pop music, and sneer artfully when bands they had previously liked (mainly nobodies from nowhere, with prerequisite echoing nature) gain a more significant following.

Therefore, inundate yourself and your residence with trendy music, so-called ‘mainstream’ fashion and stylistic choices. The hipsters will be held at bay and you will be safe.

For now.

In the meantime some of the fashion trends that come with a hipster infestation are, surprisingly, not detrimental to your health, and if worn will not transform you into one of the pretentious, self-righteous horde.

Good blue jeans will always be classics, even if they’ve been assimilated into the pestilence, as will simple sunglasses and, if you subscribe to feminine qualities and fashion, floral print dresses. Continuing in the floral vein, if it is a rather warm day and you have fresh blooms on hand, flower crowns will hardly ever go amiss.

What can harm can a slouchy beanie do? Growing a bit unkempt around the chin? You can twirl the tips of your facial hair, there can be nothing evil in that.

It is important to remember that while these fashion articles are not inherently dangerous, it is possible that the casual wearer can still become infected. If you notice an air of highfalutin’ pomposity pervading through your day-to-day activities, then it is too late for you.

Make room in your home for a new record player and record collection. Transform that unused room in your house into a photography darkroom.

Prepare for the inevitable transformation. Say farewell to your family.

The revolution will not be televised.